The story of Gab

Once, words came to me in a steady stream, thus the title "Streaming Thoughts". In troubling times, I was left at a blank. Blank, like the steady beeping sound that comes after when a television station signs off. But ever since I gave birth and became a mother, my mind has become a clutter, a noisy blur. I have become a hoarder -- a hoarder of memories, lists to do, feelings of joy, hurt, worry and relief. Why if I were Harry Potter, I'd be long dead before I can summon a decent patronus to scare away soul-sucking dementors! Oh Oprah, help me declutter!!!

Let's see. Where should I start? A pensieve perhaps to help me single out memories in a single hair-like strand? Arrrggghhh! Enough Harry Potter!!!

I guess, it's best to start where I left off. The day I gave birth. Two years. Two years of backlog! This is going to be long and grueling...

April 2, 2009: Me, Myke and Lola went to my OB's clinic for yet another check-up. I was initially scheduled for a C-section on May30, but since my little Gabby, being her l'il ol' cooperative self (as I know her now), has finally settled and decided to position herself head down, we were back to the more scary and a-million-uncertainties way of giving birth -- normal delivery. My OB checked me out, and I was already 3cm dilated. Gab has not moved down enough though to satisfy my OB's taste and so she scraped...ahhhhh ... something! hahahaha.... (ok, ok... googling!) She scraped the uterine lining to induce labor. =) Was a little uncomfortable, but nothing I can't handle. I am one tough mama!

Later that afternoon, Myke and I decided to walk it out at the nearest mall. Myke even wanted to watch the movie "Monsters vs Aliens", but I declined. I guess, I was too excited and too worried to concentrate on any movie at that time.

April3, 2009: It was 1:30am when I finally decided to pack it all up and hit the bed. I was making those black, white and red abstract figures that's told to stimulate babies' brains. 'Was making one into a mobile. Yes, I was still nesting until the last minute of my pregnancy! Hahaha... Anyway, got into bed and tried to sleep. By 3am, I still couldn't sleep. I was having one of those dysmenorrhea-like pains. I did not think anything of it though 'coz ever since my OB scraped that "something", a subtle pain started there and stayed on. I decided to check up on my mom, who's always awake at the wee hours of night watching one of her Korean novelas. She was asleep but the TV was on, and so a slumped back on one of the more comfortable sofas and watched a little. After some time, my mom awakened and was surprised to see I was there. I told her, I was experiencing some pain. She told me that it was nothing and that it would take hours or even days before I start to go on labor. I believed my mom (she is a midwife after all and has given birth to 4 children). For experiments sake though, I tried to count the minutes in between the onsets of pain. Ok go! Pain ... pain ... pain ... ouch ... ouch ... ouch ... stop! -- 3:30am. 3:35am --Pain ... pain ... pain ... ouch ... ouch ... ouch ... stop! -- 3:40am -- Pain ... pain ... pain ... ouch ... ouch ... ouch ... stop! -- 3:45am. Oh...my...God! It was happening every 5 minutes! I thought to myself, could this be it? Consulted my mom ofcourse, and once again she assured me that I was not in labor, that if I were, I'd be squirming in pain! My OB told me that I should text or call her as soon as the bouts of pain are 5 minutes apart. I was a little irritated at my mom by then. I felt as if she was belittling the pain I was experiencing! Anyway, I'm one obedient patient, and so I texted my OB. I was afraid to call her and wake her up so early in the morning only to find out it was in fact nothing. She instructed me to go to the hospital. I woke up Myke, told him we must go. I took a quick bath and then we're off!

In the car, the pain was becoming more intense -- had to put more concentration into it. In between the pain though, I was smiling, laughing even, and instructing Myke to slow down. He was acting more nervous than I was! Got admitted at St. Lukes, got hooked to a machine (I think it measured the intensity of the labor pains) and was informed I was .... hmmmm... this one's a toughy (can't remember exactly) .... let's say I was 5cm along. What do you think? Is that believable? hahahaha.... It was 5am, waited a while in a small enclosed area... was becoming harder to concentrate at that time. I did not squirm. I did not cry. I did not talk. I just closed my eyes and concentrated.

By 6am, my OB arrived. I was transferred to the labor room. There were other soon-to-be-mommy's in there. Oh, they did not look too good! hahaha... My OB got me settled on a bed, hooked me up on the machine and some dextrose, I believe. My OB asked me if I wanted to her to inject some sort of pain killer in my tube, as my anesthesiologist has not arrived yet. I said yes, and tried to stay as comfortable as I can. My OB, sat beside me the whole time. Talking to some of the nurses and doctors in the labor room. By 7:30am, the anesthesiologist arrived and they took me to an empty delivery room. 'was stripped, the injection site sterilized and my anesthesiologist did his wonders. He was a very good-looking guy...very friendly too! hahaha... (not the best time and way to meet a good-looking man, I know! But he was. Really! And a doctor! hahaha Stop it!) Anyway, he was babbling on about how other women wanted to feel the pain, and how some believe it would have effects on the baby. Ofcourse, he believed otherwise, and I agree with him, totally! hahahaha... Not only because he's eye-candy (may only talaga noh?) but because my birthing experience was just so wonderful. Can't begin to describe it. Anyway, moving forward. I was moved back to the labor room. I was pain-free and happy! I did not sleep though, was too excited for that. By 9:30, my OB said I was ready. Don't ask me how far along I was, I surely don't remember. I guess I was 10cm? Isn't that when the doctors say you're ready? hahahaha...

I was brought back to the empty delivery room, more nurses, the cute doctor was there too. They were looking for Myke. Where on earth could he be? I later discovered that he forgot the video camera in the car! He ran to the car and got it. By the time he got to the delivery room, I was already pushing .... and yes, smiling! I told you, it was a wonderful experience! I was posing for a picture in between pushes! I was deliriously pain-free! By 10:01am, little Gabby was finally out! They cleaned her a little, gave her to me, and instructed me to try breastfeeding her. She sucked a little, but I'm pretty sure did not get any. They took her to the nursery, and I was taken to the recovery room. I was still pain-free and happy...and asleep.

By 12:30pm, I was awake and wondering when I can see Gabby and be transferred to my room. Apparently there was no doctor available to release me from recovery. The pediatrician on duty approached me and informed me that they were performing tests on Gabby. He was a ...hmmmmm... how do you call a pediatrician who specializes in cardio? Well, that's what he was. He said that he found something irregular with her heartbeat, and that he'd continuously monitor it for the rest of the day. What is the worst day that you can come down w/ colds? Well, that was the day! I had slight fever from colds. And so, they opted not to let Gabby stay w/ me in my room. I was finally transferred to my room around 3pm, I think. Myke and Lola were there waiting. Ofcourse, Myke was comfortably watching TV (Ano pa nga ba?). I was beginning to feel the pain from my episiotomy, but not overly much. I slept maybe around 6:30pm, and paid Gab a visit. I walked to the nursery w/ Myke. Was painful, but nothing I couldn't handle. I am afterall, the mommy who laughed all through labor and delivery! hahaha.... Saw her, so small, so beautiful and asleep. Since I had a fever, they advised not to have me breastfeed her. Lola went home w/ Myke's parents that night. Myke stayed with me, well he'd better! =)

April4, 2009: Overnight, the nurse came to sponge me down and give me my meds. By morning, my fever was gone. My OB gave me a visit and just wanted to make sure everything was A-ok. I went back to the nursery and started breastfeeding. A nurse instructed me how. It was not much of a problem. You know Gab, always a fast learner. She drank right on! By early afternoon, Lola has not come back. I called home and was able to talk to my sister. She told me my dad suffered a stroke the previous night and that they'd taken him to the hospital. He was not doing too well. I did not know how to receive that news. I was happy and devastated at the same time. I read somewhere before that you should not give in to feelings of sadness or anger while breastfeeding. I'm not sure if there is any scientific proof into that, but I guess babies can be very sensitive and intuitive too. So, I decided to put my worries aside and concentrate on the baby that needs me. By late that afternoon, I wanted Gab to be transferred to my room. The pediatrician, allowed it, finally! It was almost 6pm by then, and it was the first time Myke was able to touch and carry Gab. The nurse instructed us as to the basics of caring, but nothing could really prepare us, is there? It takes hands-on practice. If I had known beforehand that taking care of a baby required months and years of sleepless nights, I'd have let Gabby sleep in the nursery for just one more night. hahaha... Am I a bad mommy now? It's just that, looking back, I could have used a little more rest. Myke slept, I didn't.

April 5, 2009: The following morning, Sunday, the pediatrician assured us that that Gab's heart is doing great and so we were released from the hospital. Lola and Ta Ly were still in the other hospital watching over my dad. And so when Gab got home, there was nobody to greet her. It was just an empty house with just me, Myke and ... Gab.



To be continued....