Wednesday, August 17, 2005

A wedding that can be truly wonderful...with you

There's a sadness that overwhelms me, a dread that's becoming more and more imminent. How will I ever make you understand? Will you persist with your old stubborn ways and look upon me with disappointment? How can I be a failure when everything I did was in fear that you will stare at me with those old knowing eyes, believing that you're life's hardwork was squanderred, disrespected?

I have tried my best in every point in my life to follow your lead, to trust in your wisdom, to let your love assure me of triumph. And though I have not been a raving success, perhaps not as you expected me to be, I have persisted and still am -- to be someone you will be proud of, to be someone you can call your own.

Whatever happened in my life, the instances of triumphs, the emptiness of failures, the friends that have come and gone, and the people that I have met and stayed, I would like to think that life has taught me enough to enter into another stage in my life. I do not pretend to be wise, you may as well call me dumb and inexperienced. But I believe that people best learn on their own.

I know that you have gone through more in your life, and from there came forth your wisdom. But as much as you would want to protect me from hurt and failure, I don't think that is what life is about. I make mistakes. I may swim in my own misery for a while, but I persevere and try my best to stand once again, for you, to make you proud. And so, if this would turn out to be another mistake I make, do not be afraid for I will persist, always for you.

I know that your resistance comes from fear, fear of the future. But why must we live in fear, when tragedies come into our lives no matter how much we prepare to prevent them, and sometimes even no matter how fervently we pray for a reprieve. Rest, and trust, if not in me, but in the Lord. Even tragedies come for a reason, God's reason. He is not only wise, but He is wisdom.

Though I may not be as wise as God, nor claim to be half as wise as you are, I would like to ask you just this one time to trust in me. If this is a mistake, then it would be one I make on my own.

More than two years ago I have seen your fear. And your resistance to accept this change have not wavered since then. Must we continue to fight and take each others punches blow by blow? Must we continue to waste our time in resisting, when we could have made wonderful memories together for the last two years?

I have found love. Yes, I guess it would be natural for you to doubt what we feel, to question his intentions, the life we would lead. It is the exact same reason why I wanted you to be part of it. I wanted you to know him as I was knowing him, to discover his intentions as he was revealing his to me, to accept him as he was already a part of my life, and to love him as much as you would a son. I wanted you to be part of my life especially during those times, yet you refused.

Again, I am asking you to set our fears aside. Let us forget all grievances, and let us live with trust and only love for each other. Pang, it would be terribly lonely walking down that aisle without you by my side. Will you please come to my wedding and give Myke and I your blessings? Please do not feel anything but joy and trust in your heart, no matter what comes to us, Myke and I will always persevere, for you.

We love you.


Always,

Golda

1 comment:

joy said...

ei golda!! if I were your dad, i rily would have cried...grabe!! naiiyak na tlaga ako reading ur entries.

a very nice letter!! bilib ako sa writing prowess mo! ;-)