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I do get tired. Perhaps I have felt this great weight of reality since I first set foot out of highschool. There is a deep sense of mixed panic and confusion that comes with age...or is it maturity. I guess one undeniable indication that one is old is when he begins to look upon children with envy. Myke and I often do that, and we often reminisce the times when we had no cares in the world, when all we had to worry about were boardworks and quizzes, pimples and bad hair days, crushes and puppy love. Tired, yes I am tired. Discontent? Yes, I often feel that. I guess, as long as I remain an accountant, I forever will be =). 
Tired of life and living? I think not, and I definitely hope not. When I reach the point when I feel disatisfied with the people and things that I love and enjoy, perhaps. But to reach that point, is not something I am looking forward to. My sister has reached that point. I pity her, and I do so want her to again feel the privelege of being alive. But I guess only she can do that for herself. To disown me as her sister simply because I wouldn't give-up caring for my dog is simple a glaring proof that she is miserable. What's worse, she wants everybody around her to be as mserable as she is. It is a ridiculous cause, but she obviously finds my Sam a worthy opponent. I love my sister more than my life, a thousand more, my mother. It breaks my heart to let her witness another falling out. But how can I comply when the claim is so outrageously unjust. 
To give up my Sam just because my sister is tired of her life? It's preposterous! Perhaps losing a sister over a dog is, but the truth is I am not losing her because of my Sam. I am losing her because she has seized loving me. I am losing her because I refuse to see the world in black and white. I am losing her because I have outgrown her age. I am losing her because I have tired of making her see the world as I see it. I am losing her because she is tired of living.
My wedding timeline says I have 3 months and 3 weeks to go. Wheww! I don't know if I should be excited, nervous, go to a raving panic or what?!? Anyway, below are my updates:
CHURCH VENUE: San Agustin Church - Reserved (March 18, 2006 @ 3pm)
Documents/Seminars required by San Agustin
Baptismal Cerificate (from church where baptized, within 4 months prior - by end of Nov)
Confirmation Cerificate (from church where confirmed, within 4 months prior - by end of Nov)
Marriage License (City Hall) - Form obtained, requires family planning seminar
Canonical Interview (SAC) - Interview scheduled at 1/18/06 at 9am
Ecclesiastical Banns (SAC) - Obtained during canonical interview
Permit (Parish of bride) - Form obtained during canonical interview
Names/Address of Primary Sponsor - For finalization. Max of 6 pairs.
Priest: Father Jerry Tapiador - Personally gained permission. To follow-up.
RECEPTION VENUE: Hyatt Hotel and Casino
Food (Hyatt) - Reserved. Please see package for full service included. DP paid
Drinks (Hyatt) - Reserved. Please see package for full service included. DP paid
COUTURIER
Bridal Gown: Veluz Reyes -1st Fitting on Nov26 together w/ 2nd DP.
Barong: Caneri - DP pd. Reserved 2 jusi pina (Lolo&Mang Alex), 1 pina raya for Myke.
**May change to suite for groom and ento. Still looking for supplier.
Entourage: Tina Venzon
Measurements taken: Sara, Anne, Teret, TaLy, Lola, Ma, Michelle, Ja, Liza, Golda
Pending measurements: Myla, Rica, Julianna, Pao
Dresses finished: Lola, Polly, Anne, Sara, Golda
FLORIST
Church: San Agustin Church - Flowers included in church package.
Bouquets: Dangwa - Mang Boy, to canvass.
Reception: Hyatt Hotel and Casino - Flower centerpiece included in package.
PRINTER
Invitations: Printed Matter - Style: Booklet
Awaiting photos from pre-nup. Target distribution: Early January.
Save the Date: Printed Matter - Pd layout fee.
Target Distribution: Early December to VIP and Ento only.
Missalettes: DIY - Look for supplier to print cover. Contents provided by SAC/priest
Guestbook: Hyatt Hotel and Casino - Guestbook comes with hotel package.
Table games sheet: DIY - Done. For printing on colored paper.
Bought colored paper. To xerox original, 150 copies.
PHOTOGRAPHER
Wedding album (11x14): SmartShot Studio - Reserved. DP paid
Parents album (2): SmartShot Studio - Reserved. DP paid
Portrait (16x20): SmartShot Studio - Reserved. DP paid
Signature Frame: SmartShot Studio - Reserved. DP paid
Pre-nuptial Picture Taking: SmartShot Studio - Addt'l fee for out-of-town - P1k.
Scheduled - TBA (sekwet!)
VIDEOGRAPHER: SmartShot Studio - Reserved. DP paid. Non-liner in DVD format
AUDIO-VIDEO PRESENTATION: Smart/Hyatt - Projector provided by Hyatt.
AVP c/o of SmartShot
MUSICIANS
Church: San Agustin Church - Church provides organist and singers. Lead singer (Claudia)
Reception: Hyatt Hotel and Casino - Hotel provides string quartet with package.
To coordinate w/ Bernie Pasamba for list of songs played during reception.
CAKE: Hyatt Hotel and Casino - Negotated to accomodation for 1 extra night, before the wedding.
SOUVENIRS: Joy San Gabriel - Minicakes. Paid DP. Ribbons and flowers reimbursible by Joy.
GIFTS FOR SPONSORS: Excel Frames - Paid DP. For distribution to PS in Jan.
BRIDAL CAR: Hyatt Hotel and Casino - Lincoln provided by hotel with package
HAIR & MAKEUP: Eddie Bruan - Paid DP. Package for 5 pax till reception.
HOST/ENTERTAINER: Christopher Petras - Confirmed.
Cathy Verga - Confirmed.
WEDDING RINGS: Hearts & Arrows - Pd 1st installment. To decide on words to engrave.
HONEYMOON: Hyatt Hotel and Casino - Overnight stay is provided.
Trip to Singapore??? Wish ko lang!!!
So far, that's it. . . More updates will come in the next couple of weeks. We expect our prenup pictures to come through by then and our invites and save the dates will follow. Also, we would most definitely have to start on the legal requirement to actually get this wedding done. =) so what do you think? Am I on schedule or should I start panicking? Hehehe. . . Any suggestion on how I can make this wedding even more memorable? Please, please I would be so happy to hear from you. Please leave your comments, my tag is not working for the nth time!!! thanks!
Ofcourse I was excited. I personally think excited was a grave understatement. Early September I was already all fired up into making this dream come true for him. The letter below was sent out to all his officemates and friends on Spetember 11. For his family, I had an accomplice in Myke's sister, Michelle. For his friends, I had Marlon and Myla. And for his officemates, I had Jay and Sherilyn. I was so concerned with attendance that follow-ups were more of an harassment for my accomplices. I'm sorry guys!
. . . My God! I'm not in a writing mood today. . . hehehe. . . but I have to document this, though it already took me forever to post this on my blog. Hay, what's wrong with me???
The tricky part about throwing Myke the party was thinking of a great way to break the news to him. It's not something I wanted to blurt out to him over dinner like some insignificant piece of news. I wanted to it to mean to him as much as it meant to me. . . baligtad ba? or I wanted it to mean as much to him as I hoped it would. I wanted to see him as happy as I've never seen him. I wanted to be there when he realizes the dream he never thought he'd ever have the chance of fulfilling.
And so here are my plans:
PLAN NO. 1: Since I didn't expect my brother and sister-in-law to come, I thought I'd make-up some story about my 3 nieces having to attend a party at Mcdo Philoca, a birthday of a cousin or a classmate perhaps. I'd tell Myke that my bro and s.i.l. have duty in the hospital that day and they will not be able to take them to the party themselves. Ofcourse I will ask Myke to drive them to Philcoa. On the way to the party, I'd chat with my nieces and ask them questions about the party like who is having the party, how old the celebrant is, which cousin is this. . . then when we are just about to get near the place I'll ask my youngest niece to show me the invitation (which ofcourse is Myke's), then I'll ask her to show Myke the invitation. Wallah! hehehehe, wala lang. . . . it could have worked only if my bro and s.i.l. did not decide to go to the party afterall.
PLAN NO. 2: So I was thinking that my nieces would probably not ride with us on the way to Philcoa since it's a 100% certainty that they will hitch a ride with their dad. I had to change my plans. . . but to what? So I thought I'd tell Myke some bogus story about me having to meet Janice (another close friend) at Philcoa that afternoon, perhaps something to do with having her to borrow a book from me that she badly needed for her MBA. Afterall, she studies at UP Diliman, a probable meeting place for her and her MBA-mates. I even planned for us to be there at 4:30pm (the party starts at 6pm) and stay at Jollibee pretending to wait for Janice, for fear of Myke recognizing the cars and plate nos. of officemates and friends as they arrive. So I thought if we arrived earlier, I wouldn't have to worry about that. Then while waiting in Jollibee at around 5:30pm, I'd give him my 3 gifts, wrapped separately. My first gift was a simple white shirt printed with a picture of "Dash" from "The Incredibles" (this is his b-day theme). I'd ask him to wear this first before he can have the second. The second was a gold bracelet given to me by my mom. And lastly, is the invitation. Then from Jollibee we'd go to Mcdo. . . . hehehehe
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: Ok so actually I was suppose to go for my Plan#2. But unexpectedly, Myke suddenly had to attend a seminar at his office early that morning. I was already irritated, probably because I had already set my mind into making it perfect for him, and unexpected events were making it less and less probable. Anyway, I was so stressed since he arrived at my house at nearly 2pm, and we still had to go to Sta. Mesa to have our wedding invitations designed. What made it worse was that the rain was pouring hard and the traffic was bad. I was silently worrying that people may decide not to attend because of the rain, and ofcourse I was pissed that we may be late for his party. So there we were, my temper was up. . . the rain was pouring and we were stuck in traffic. He was also becoming irritated as I was, for no reason, so riled up. So there, in the middle of traffic with rain splaterring all over the place, I decided that probably I have waited enough. I gave him his well-wrapped gift.
Ofcourse Myke is Myke. He has no patience when it comes to opening gifts. As soon as we got out of traffic, he parked on the side of the road and opened his gift. First thing he looked at was the white shirt with "Dash." I wasn't so successfull in transferring the print to the shirt kaya baka medyo disappointed sya. hehehe. . . He probably thought I bought it off some store rack. Actually, I asked Janice's bf to print the picture for me (wala na kc ako makitang shirt na may print na "The Incredibles" eh). I then ironed it on the shirt to transfer. I guess it was ok, but not perfect. BTW, I originally caught this on video from my phone kaya lang sinara ni Myke eh kaya nabura. . . nagalit nga ako sa kanya eh!
The next gift was the bracelet. I guess, he liked that gift better. I placed it in a jewelry box I bought at Market2. I pinned a note inside greeting him happy birthday and with a post script of -- "A far greater treasure lies beneath the gold." Hay ewan ko ba sa mga lalake! Slow, talaga ever! I even asked him to read the note more carefully! Wala pa rin! hehehehehe. . . . . And so I asked him again to read it one last time. Hayun, nakuha din! Well at first we has looking at the bottom side of the box. . . then when he saw nothing he looked inside again. There hidden between the carton lining of the box is a folded invitation to Myke's party. Hay grabe slow!
Anyway, that's when he started to cry. . . And while I was trying to get Myke on video, I started to cry myself. Hayun bigla na lang nya sinara yung camera ko. . . wala na tuloy lahat ng evidence ko! hehehehehe. . . hayun, iyakan na lang kame sa car.
Myke was so excited that he repeatedly asked who was attending, and I think he even felt bad that his parents were not there. While we were at Printed Matters (yung gagawa ng invitation namen), Myke was so impatient na he wanted to leave even before we can finalize the design with Phoebe.
Masaya naman. napasubo ako sa games, ever! I was thankful that though not everyone I invited came, the most important people were there. I guess quality vs quantity counts. After the party, Myke and I, together with a few friends went straight to his house feasted on the Mcdo b-day cake, and enjoyed a few hours of videoke.
So that was Myke's party. It wasn't perfect as I hoped it would be. But I do hope that it was much of a fulfillment of a dream for him as it was for me. For surely I have no other dream than to see my loved once realize their own dreams.
Sorry ha, Wala me sa wisyo magsulat. . . . hope you got the story kahit medyo magulo. =)
Hi everyone!
For those who don't know me, I'm Golda, Myke's gf.
I would like to invite you all to small surprise party in honor of Myke's birthday this coming October 8 (Saturday) at McDonadls Philcoa at 5:30 pm. I would be so grateful if you could all come to make the occasion so much more special. Para marealize nyo how significant this event is for us. . . kwentuhan ko muna kayo. . . .
When Myke was still a kid. . . well, he was not exactly underpriveledged, but he did not get everything he wanted. He did not have all the wonderful toys kids nowadays take for granted, nor did he experience any sort of birthday celebration that most of you must have had in your childhood. To me, Myke will always be a child... a child who shows too much enthusiasm when given a mildly crafted toy, a child whose eyes twinkle with delight and impatience whenever given a well-wrapped gift, and a child who longs to matter and feel special with the attendance of people closest to him on a day celebrated only for him. So I know korny and all, but to me and most especially for Myke, it is a fulfillment of a life's dream.
So please, please be there to surprise him and celebrate his wonderful life with us.
To his friends, I don't know all of his close friends nor do I have all their contact information. Can you please please invite them to come as well? Those who have contact to me-anne and louie, can you please tell them to come? Sino pa ba?
Please be there at 5:30pm . . . ofcourse the surprise will not be effective if Myke arrives there with just a vacant area at mcdo full of balloons. . . you are what will make it special. So please be there and please be on time.
Again, all my thanks!
Regards,
Golda Concepcion
Our motif is "Spring" so we chose the colors pomelo pink, eggyolk yellow and lime green. Above are the gowns Veluz sketched for my ento. She's so baet talaga! She even gave me swatches of the fabric and colors that would go well with my motif. I have not decided which design and for which member of my ento it will go to. Hmm, I guess I have to let them choose. =)
Hayan! Yehey! It seems as if God is on my side and has paved the way for Myke and I, and our wedding. So now that everything's in place, I guess it is but proper to update you on my progress with my wedding preps. Hahahaha, palihim ko bang ginawa??? If you'd notice, I haven't posted anything about my preps before. Perhaps it is because to me, the wedding I was preparing for was not real enough for me to really believe that it will infact happen soon. But now that I have my father's support, finally, all the excitement that I have been supressing is suddely bursting and I am so filled with happiness. The only part about it that glooms my mood is thinking about the expenses. Hehehehe... Anyway, why should I dampen my spirits with such a petty issue (may nakukulong ba sa utang???? bwahahahahaha!!!!!)?Church: San Agustin Church, Intramuros Time: 3 p.m.Reception: Hyatt Hotel & Casino, ManilaPhoto & Video: SmartShot StudioCouture (Wedding gown): Veluz Reyes(Entorage): Tina VenzonWedding Cake/Souvenir: Joy San GabrielInvitations: Printed Matter Hair & Make-up: Eddie BruanWedding Rings: Matus JewelryMusic (Ceremony): *San Agustin Boys Choir*Serenata Strings* subject to changeSo far, yan pa lang. Most of the small details are actually included in the hotel package like the bridal car, doves, room, quartet, etc. . . I guess, at this point I can say that I am on schedule. =)I'm getting quite bored not having to do any more preps!!!! Hmmm, ano pa ba?
I guess there is nothing sadder than seing a parent cry with defeat in the arms of the child that has caused him so much pain. To see the muscles beneath his eyes twitch involuntarily in protest of suppression. To feel his apology, yet not hear it. To embrace his trembling frame against your own. To welcome a stranger back into your heart...My father and I have not agreed in a lot of things. We have stood our ground and sufferred each other's silence. But how can you not cry when a father promises his child his presence, walking with you down the aisle, embracing what should be? How can you resist forgiveness when a figure so proud bows down in total surrender to your bidding? I am Golda Concepcion, and my father will walk me down the aisle on March 18, on the day when Myke and I start our new life together.
My mom and I after my TMU with Eddie Bruan, August 13, 2005
There's a sadness that overwhelms me, a dread that's becoming more and more imminent. How will I ever make you understand? Will you persist with your old stubborn ways and look upon me with disappointment? How can I be a failure when everything I did was in fear that you will stare at me with those old knowing eyes, believing that you're life's hardwork was squanderred, disrespected?I have tried my best in every point in my life to follow your lead, to trust in your wisdom, to let your love assure me of triumph. And though I have not been a raving success, perhaps not as you expected me to be, I have persisted and still am -- to be someone you will be proud of, to be someone you can call your own. Whatever happened in my life, the instances of triumphs, the emptiness of failures, the friends that have come and gone, and the people that I have met and stayed, I would like to think that life has taught me enough to enter into another stage in my life. I do not pretend to be wise, you may as well call me dumb and inexperienced. But I believe that people best learn on their own. I know that you have gone through more in your life, and from there came forth your wisdom. But as much as you would want to protect me from hurt and failure, I don't think that is what life is about. I make mistakes. I may swim in my own misery for a while, but I persevere and try my best to stand once again, for you, to make you proud. And so, if this would turn out to be another mistake I make, do not be afraid for I will persist, always for you.I know that your resistance comes from fear, fear of the future. But why must we live in fear, when tragedies come into our lives no matter how much we prepare to prevent them, and sometimes even no matter how fervently we pray for a reprieve. Rest, and trust, if not in me, but in the Lord. Even tragedies come for a reason, God's reason. He is not only wise, but He is wisdom. Though I may not be as wise as God, nor claim to be half as wise as you are, I would like to ask you just this one time to trust in me. If this is a mistake, then it would be one I make on my own. More than two years ago I have seen your fear. And your resistance to accept this change have not wavered since then. Must we continue to fight and take each others punches blow by blow? Must we continue to waste our time in resisting, when we could have made wonderful memories together for the last two years? I have found love. Yes, I guess it would be natural for you to doubt what we feel, to question his intentions, the life we would lead. It is the exact same reason why I wanted you to be part of it. I wanted you to know him as I was knowing him, to discover his intentions as he was revealing his to me, to accept him as he was already a part of my life, and to love him as much as you would a son. I wanted you to be part of my life especially during those times, yet you refused.Again, I am asking you to set our fears aside. Let us forget all grievances, and let us live with trust and only love for each other. Pang, it would be terribly lonely walking down that aisle without you by my side. Will you please come to my wedding and give Myke and I your blessings? Please do not feel anything but joy and trust in your heart, no matter what comes to us, Myke and I will always persevere, for you.We love you.Always,Golda
29 months. When you quantify our entire relationship in months, it seems such a short time. Looking back at all the things Myke and I have shared, it seems as if he has completely altered my life and my dreams. Perfect. Something that we all aspire to be, and something that Myke and I are (hehe, well at least when we're both in the "okray" mood). Our relationship is far, far from being perfect, no thanks to me. But just the same, it doesn't change the fact that whenever I think of Myke and I, I can't help but to beam with pride. I am so proud at what we are, in what we will be, and in how much our love has grown and remained for these many months. Words simply cannot express how so much in love I am with him, then and now.
I'm sorry bebe for all the times I lose my head over nothing. I'm sorry for treating you so poorly when all you've ever shown me is love. I'm sorry for all the times I made you feel like nothing, when you are in fact my everything.
I love you bebe, now and forever.
