I don't want this evil inside me. Take it away oh Lord. This voice, this voice in my head. How can I make it stop? To extract it from the core of my being. To gag and bind it so tight, it has squealed its last squeal. Oh, how can I tame this evil?
I say these words, fools they all are. To know what is right, to act it. But to think it? The body is a cinch to control. Perhaps the mouth a tad harder. But the mind, its manipulative and untrue . . . maybe I'm mistaken. . . . how canny you are, to trick the mind when you are the culprit! You never missed a beat, rhythmic and even. They often say "heart of all evil", now I know why.
I swore I will beat you. I will not let you consume me, my soul, my being. I thought the mind can suppress you, but apparently I underestimated you!
How can I even be feeling this, when I have everything I ever wanted. God has touched my life, how can I be so ungrateful? I am so filled with shame. I am unworthy. But, what is this, this empty feeling, this longing? I have been so obsessed, has it finally taken its toll on me. What a price it demands! My soul? No, never!
And so, I come to you Lord. Seeking for my peace. I have lost it somewhere in the turmoil of life. I am soiled, I am ashamed. Look upon me oh Lord, but keep your distance. Don't touch me! I have been betrayed by my soul. It has harbored the sins of envy and greed. My mere presence in your house, an outrage!
Each visit has cleansed me. My treacherous heart you have filled with your love. You are like a drug oh Lord! I crave for this love, I crave for your peace. The void, the emptiness, the longing. . . it has ceased. I was mistaken all along. I didn't have everything. A greeting hear, a favor there, sometimes some thanks, not enough! It was you all along dear Lord!
It is true what the priest said. . . we tend to forget You, when we have no use for You. But my soul longed for You . . . finally some peace! I am happy and content. I feel alive again! And it's because of You.
Thank you dear Lord!
And so I embark on this journey. Excited? I guess I am! I don't know why. There is something . . . I will leave it all up to You Lord. Surprise me! =)
