I do get tired. Perhaps I have felt this great weight of reality since I first set foot out of highschool. There is a deep sense of mixed panic and confusion that comes with age...or is it maturity. I guess one undeniable indication that one is old is when he begins to look upon children with envy. Myke and I often do that, and we often reminisce the times when we had no cares in the world, when all we had to worry about were boardworks and quizzes, pimples and bad hair days, crushes and puppy love. Tired, yes I am tired. Discontent? Yes, I often feel that. I guess, as long as I remain an accountant, I forever will be =).
Tired of life and living? I think not, and I definitely hope not. When I reach the point when I feel disatisfied with the people and things that I love and enjoy, perhaps. But to reach that point, is not something I am looking forward to.
My sister has reached that point. I pity her, and I do so want her to again feel the privelege of being alive. But I guess only she can do that for herself. To disown me as her sister simply because I wouldn't give-up caring for my dog is simple a glaring proof that she is miserable. What's worse, she wants everybody around her to be as mserable as she is. It is a ridiculous cause, but she obviously finds my Sam a worthy opponent. I love my sister more than my life, a thousand more, my mother. It breaks my heart to let her witness another falling out. But how can I comply when the claim is so outrageously unjust.
To give up my Sam just because my sister is tired of her life? It's preposterous! Perhaps losing a sister over a dog is, but the truth is I am not losing her because of my Sam. I am losing her because she has seized loving me. I am losing her because I refuse to see the world in black and white. I am losing her because I have outgrown her age. I am losing her because I have tired of making her see the world as I see it.
I am losing her because she is tired of living.
